The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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