I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
