Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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