he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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