so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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