Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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