just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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