WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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