god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
