I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
