we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
