thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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