So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
MIDGETS
????
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
