I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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