sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
