One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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