Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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