The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
