Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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