she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
