when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
