I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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