i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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