seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
