I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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