absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
