My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
