I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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