I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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