Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
