You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
