I'm lost and stupid without you.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
