Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
