if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
