Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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