My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
