Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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