SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
