he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
