My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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