im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
