Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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