ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
