Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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