The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
