Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
