If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found your dick twin last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
