i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
