Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
