WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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