I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize