You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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