so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
