Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
