Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
