I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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