she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
