..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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