i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
