dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
