Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
