I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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