It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
