Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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