i permit you to call me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
