OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
