I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
