Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
