She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
