Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
