halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
