I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
