woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
