you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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