I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
