I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
