that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
not ubering you a puppy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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