so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
