you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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